Imagine waking up one day and not looking for someone else’s approval and start defining what you are about.
You can overcome anything and achieve everything you want through hard work.
Confidence isn’t something you are born with. It’s a skillset; it’s something you have adopted over the years.
Like you, I wasn’t the most confident person, I had to become ok with who I am, so I became the best version of myself.
Even if someone else thinks otherwise, I came to the realization that it’s ok and everyone can do that.
The key to getting ahead in life is confidence. If you believe in yourself, then others will believe in you too. If they perceive you as a confident person, then they will follow you.
Perception is reality.
“The antidote to haters is confidence.”
Confront your fears
Fear is a precondition for courage.
If you want to build confidence and overcome your fears, then you will have to work towards that actively.
The key to confronting your fears is to face them, of course. Put yourself in the situations that you lack and build your courage through repeated actions. As you get used to something, it will come easier to face it.
In order to overcome your fears, you will have to go through some steps:
1# Identify your fear
If you want to learn how to overcome your fears, then the first thing you have to do is identify what makes your life so anxious that you just can’t take steps towards passing the bridge.
When you find yourself in a situation that triggers your anxiety, just stop and observe your thoughts, feelings, body sensations. “What is it you’re so afraid of?”.
2# Feel your fear
“Feel the fear and do it anyway!”
The fastest way to overcome your fear is to feel it and see what it translates into and then do the opposite thing it tells you to do.
What does it tell you? Is it true? Is it possible?
What’s the thing that makes your skin crawl, the tingling sensation that raises your awareness?
The focus is NOT on making a right or wrong choice but deciding to make a decision and being confident with your choice.
3# Embrace your fear
Fear is the lack of understanding of a subject. Fear is your best friend, and it will help you evolve the most as long as you work through it actively.
There’s a lot of growth when it comes to embracing your fears.
By doing the things that scare you the most, you will be able to develop your personality beyond your imagination.
Learn about it, understand it, manage it and go through it.
Set attainable goals
If you’re having issues reminding yourself of your strengths consistently, then you can use a step-by-step goal setting to give you something concrete to be proud of.
Creating a daily or weekly goals list for you to check can give your progress a physical shape. This way, you will be able to compare where you were to where you are.
As you work on achieving your goals, you will feel more proud, bold, capable, and your confidence will change.
In order for your goals to be attainable, they have to be:
- Challenging but not overwhelming – in order to be motivating;
- Easy to act on.
How can you set goals and achieve them? You can use a technique called SMART goals.
- Specific – Be as straightforward as possible. What exactly do you want to achieve? Instead of saying that you want to read more, just say, ” I will read 30 pages or read 30 minutes”. Be clear.
- Measurable – Measure your evolution. You’ve learned 30 more words this week; you finished one more book.
- Attainable – Be reasonable about your goals. Small steps can build your way to the significant steps. Don’t jump directly into something huge that cannot be completed.
- Realistic – Doable, real, and practical. Do you want to quit smoking? Do it step by step. Smoking less and less sounds more realistic than quitting here and now.
- Timely – To motivate yourself, even more, set a time frame. “I’ll clean the room by 12 p.m.”, “I will write this article in the morning, by 10 a.m”.
If you believe in the process, write it down, set specific goals, measurable, realistic, and attainable; you’re off for an incredible story.
Most of the time, self-doubt isn’t a choice but the way you were raised. Self-doubt may have originated from your childhood, and it can become an issue in your adulthood.
But you change this.
No one can overpower you without your own choice.
How to overcome self-doubt:
1# Remember your achievements
How many times didn’t you feel scared to do something? But you just took that step, did it, and it felt like you conquered the world.
You did this with your own hands, and you can do it as many times as it’s needed.
2# Don’t compare yourself to others
You are unique. You live a remarkable life. There’s no point in comparing your journey to other people.
This can be a massive drawback if it’s done consistently.
Social media is fake, don’t forget that.
Compare yourself only to the version you were yesterday. This way, you can grow and develop yourself in ways that you could never think of if you compared yourself to others.
3# Journal your steps
Writing down your thoughts can help you release some of the emotions you live in your everyday life, and you may even realize that what you were feeling and thinking wasn’t even that detrimental.
A journal can help you keep a realistic record of your life through which you can gain more clarity about the successes you’ve had and how you have overcome obstacles.
4# Don’t overthink your actions
Anxiety might make you think that you are in the center of attention if you do something terrible or take a wrong turn.
But how many times do you think that about other people?
I never do. If something bad happens to someone, I never point fingers and try to make them feel bad, and that’s how most people think.
Act as you’re invisible, and do you.
5# See setbacks as springs
You might look at setbacks as negative things that are personal and wonder why they happened to you, or you can look at them as experiences that can help you build yourself.
If you realize the lessons, then the setbacks might act like springs that can open other doors and opportunities.
Every negative thing that happens to you can be turned into something positive, and you can do this too.
Change your self-talk
Negative self-talk can damage you.
Focusing on negative thoughts may lead to decreased motivation as well as greater feelings of helplessness.
How can you minimize negative self-talk:
1# Be aware of your critic
If you want to control it, be aware of it.
Don’t say things you wouldn’t say to other people. Negative things have more power than positive things.
Your thoughts and feelings aren’t always real. Your negative opinions about yourself can be biased.
2# Give your critic a name
As silly as it may sound, giving your critic a name will separate it from you. The critic is a voice that you have internalized based on outside influences, experiences, environment.
That inner voice can now be talked to.
3# Speak to it
Why does your critic say the things he says? Are these things real, or are they only impediments?
By becoming aware of why he says certain things, you can change the way you perceive yourself and change them.
Trust me, most of the time, the critic is wrong, and he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He only wants to stay in your way to success, but he can give you pretty good information about what you can change in order to move him out of the way.
You aren’t your critic.
Examples of positive and negative self-talk: – Transform your thoughts.
|Negative self-talk||Positive thinking|
|I have never done it before||It’s an opportunity to learn something new|
|It’s too complicated||I’ll tackle it from a different angle|
|I give up||I will use some of the strategies I’ve learned|
|I just can’t do math||I’m going to train my brain to do math|
|I look awful today||I have many wonderful qualities|
|I’m always broke||I believe in my ability to succeed|
|I’m broken||I’m healing and learning|
|I hate how my body looks||I’m thankful for what my body can do for me: I’m strong and capable!|
Become aware of your strengths and separate your weaknesses
One of the ways to see your strengths is to look at your past and see your success.
Your imperfections are what actually allow you to be confident. They will be the determining factor in your ability to feel confident and your ability to have confidence be a part of your life.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
What to do instead of comparing yourself to others:
1# Water your own yard
What do you care more about? Watering your own grass or the other people’s grass?
When you focus on someone else, you lose precious time that could be invested in your own evolution.
Spend your time investing, creating, and caring for your own path.
2# Accept your past
We all have things that we regret and may sometimes wander into the past, asking what would’ve happened if you didn’t act that way. But what’s the point of that?
Thanks to the things that happened in the past, you are what you are today. Unique.
Your past doesn’t define you.
Take every wrong turn as a lesson. Dissect it, learn from it, apply it.
3# Accept your present
You do whatever you think it’s best for you at this present moment and nothing more or less. We all do it.
Don’t beat yourself over your mistakes but change the way you perceive everything that doesn’t suit you.
Everything happens for a reason because it has to happen for you to learn from it.
4# You aren’t perfect
I’m not perfect, you aren’t perfect, but this is why you are so beautiful and unique.
Accept your flaws. Some characteristics cannot be changed, so there’s no point in beating yourself over them. You cannot change your height, eye color, but this is you.
You have all the necessary means to enjoy this life to the max the way you are.
Compare yourself to the version you were yesterday, and that’s it. Don’t waste time and energy comparing yourself with someone else.
That time and energy can be used instead for your own growth, and, someday, they might compare themselves to you.
Think of past successes
If you could count them, I’m sure you’ve had thousands of successes that have become an essential part of your life’s journey.
Based on your history alone, you should have enough confidence to do anything.
Modifying your appearance and body language affects how people see you and how you behave and see yourself.
A good posture is a key to mastering your presence, the way you carry yourself, the most important first impression.
1# Keep your head high
Your chin has to be parallel to the ground, don’t raise it too high as it may seem arrogant, and don’t let it fall as it may seem shy.
Imagine yourself as you’re trying to balance your body while walking with a book on your head.
2# Suck in your belly
A man’s chest should enter the room before his belly, exceptions being pregnant women.
Tucking your belly in will help to support your back and give you a more elongated straight posture.
3# Roll your shoulders back and drop them down
If your shoulders are up, you will seem stressed and tense, which is something you don’t want to aim for.
Let’s talk about hands now.
So many people don’t know what to do with their hands, where to put them, so they don’t seem awkward.
While you’re walking, just keep them up to your thighs and move them backward and forwards. This is the natural way to walk for both men and women, so don’t feel awkward.
Move your body, let your hands flow. If you stay stiff, you will look anxious.
It’s time to stop being the watered-down version of someone else and become the full version of who you are.
You are enough.
Everything you need to become who you want to be is already inside of you.
It’s who you are and being comfortable with who you are that makes people think they can do it too.